Is it my curse or my power? Am I too sane for this insane world?
Question by pg: Is it my curse or my power? Am I too sane for this insane world?
Here is my problem and i need help desperately because its ruining my life.
It all started when my mom got sick when i was 8 year old. So i had to take care of my little sister who was just 3. They told that my mom wouldn’t survive so i became tough and mature for my age.
I took care of all chores in house that i possibly could and took great care of my sister like she was part of me. i tried to help mom in whatever way to make her healthy again.
She survived but she was too weak now. From that day i became caring….. or too much caring as they say.
I started caring and thinking about other people with problems…. my friends,relatives anyone. I tried to help them with their problems like they were my problems. I can’t be rude to anyone even if the person treats me like sh!t. I bottle up my anger and my emotions. And i was afraid that i may hurt someone and they will end up like my mom.
Every person/things i care about seems to be leaving me or dieing or getting lost.
I think 1000 time before doing anything. Even the girls hate me for that.
So that’s my problem…1) I think and care too much about pretty much every thing and everyone except myself
2) I cant express my feelings ..love,anger,disgust,happiness anything.
I was alone in the house emotionally, no body cared or asked about what i want/ i think or anything. I was the ugly duckling of the family and my sister the pretty and smart one. I am not jealous of my sister believe me, i am very proud of her. But i think i should get the same attention which i didn’t get back then.
Now i am 21 and few days ago i lost my mom. I was shocked. Again this MATURE THOUGHTS started coming up . Now my sister, my dad are my responsibilities and my happiness is secondary to theirs. I still haven’t found right girlfriend…..am i too nice for them?
People take advantage of me and use me for their gain and throw me away like trash when they are done and never help me when i need it.
My life is pretty much Fcuked up right now. I need help desperately!!!
I think i need some one … a girlfriend who will fulfill my emotional needs, care about me and and what i like, what i think etc…… which no one gave me for all these years.
But girls say i am emotionally confused and pessimist…
I don’t wanna repeat what i did 12 years ago….. i don’t wanna close doors to my mind and heart to others like i did before. But i can’t get over the feeling that being nice is suppose to be IDEOLOGICALLY correct…
Am i only sane guy left in this world? Should I be like rest of them….. minding my business not caring about other….become COLD n HEARTLESS? Should i look for the girl with great body and no soul and personality like everyone does?
i am just asking for a girls with great smile, personality and character .
Am i asking too much or these things are extinct these days?
Please don’t answer me like ‘your wrong’ or ‘dude your mind is fcuked up’ or something.
I want solution not label on my head telling me how wrong i am….=(
ppl plz therapy is not the answer… i am in deep sh!t but i haven’t turned loco. Someone mustav had some what same or similar experience like i did so … i want your advice …really .. i know you ppl will help me better than any cheap therapist because your advice will not be judgemental. Thanx =)
Best answer:
Answer by P!ATD luver
i’m not saying this to be rude or anything at all but …i think you should go to therapy they can help you with this. I kinda think i know how you feel cause i too am extremely mature for my age and i just lost someone who was very ill and its taking its toll on me i know eventually i’m gonna have to get through this but for now i’m faking it and i know that isnt healthy either and soon i will be going to therapy…i hope things work out for you and i’m sorry for your loss
What do you think? Answer below!
yup i think you need to be a little bit more “cold n heartless” you can never make everybody happy and in order for people to appreciate your help they have to know what its like to not have any help in the first place, soooo basically if its a super huge problem do what you can for them but if its not a HUGE deal let them try to take care of it first, then when/if they ask for help do what you can for them. cause alotta people are just slime who will take advantage of outgoing people so be on guard
no u dont have to be like everyone else…but everyone in the world isnt the way u picture them…
be urself….
i love how u care for everyone, but u dont wanna sacrifice your life to make everyone else happy….
wht happened to ur mom was very tragic, but it wasnt ur fault, u had no control ovr it, so stop punishing urself ovr it…
do yu rly think ur mom and the pple who love u want u to live life like this? bottling up all ur emotions? tell someone u knw, how u feel…
i always feel better when i talk about my feelings…
u dont NEED a girlfriend?
u have ur mother and ur sister…and well they love yu, no matter wat…
ugly duckling? they will love yu no matter how u look or how u think u look…
ur r pessimistic, think about all the good things ur your life…and dont give me any sh!t, that theres nuthin good in ur life…
dont worry be happy
I feel like this a lot with my friends and my boyfriend. Not so much with my family but a little. It isn’t as extreme as your situation. What you need is a good friend to talk to. Maybe a therapist. A therapist can help you now, and in the future. There are good girls out there, but most of them are getting treated the same as you. You may need to get your own life and job and not worry about your family so much. Tell them you need to go do somethings for yourself. It might even help them out in the long run. You don’t want your dad and sister so dependent on you that if you died in a car crash (God forbid) they don’t know what to do with themselves and just give up or loose everything do you? It is very… how do I say this so that you know exactly what I mean. It is selfish for you to give them so much. I know that that is hard to understand but.. what I mean is that you are doing these things for them because for so long you had to and needed to because they needed you. They are old enough now where they need to learn how to depend on their own selves. Are you worried they won’t make it? Because they will, you did.
If you are handed money your whole life, why work for it. It is the same with y our family. If they don’t have to be responsible their whole life, why would they be. YOu need to go do something for yourself and SOON. They need to lean on themselves. It will be hard for a while and they might even be mad at your for it but you must ignore that and continue to take large strides to help you.
What you said was beautiful and what wouldn’t I give to be that way – caring and mature. But I’m neiter because I let this world have its way and change me. Could you believe somebody’s actually jealous of you right now for not giving in? Don’t repeat my mistake and remain as sane as you can. That obviously can’t harm you since you still have your emotions. Nevermind that you find it hard to express. They’re still there and you know it.
I don’t know what advice the rest here are gonna give and this is probably going to sound pathetic but my cure was music. When music made me feel, it was the first feeling I felt ok to share. For you it might be something else but any source that makes you want to express your energy is a good start. *Your* energy, the one that makes you a little less sane yet still on the safe side. Not negative enough to hurt the rest but strong enough to keep you getting up in the morning. And then the rest of you will slowly start to show.
Thinking a 1000 times before acting – leave that to chess players. Sure there’re a zillion scenarios for every single decision. (The day I gave them up – my headaches went away). Truth is you can narrow them down to 2 or 3 and if you *don’t* think for a second there, you’ll see you the right one is so damn apparent that you’re insulting your intelligence with having to think it over. It’s just fear covered up as caution.
P.S. I’m sorry about your mom. You can write to me if you need to talk. But best talk to those around you and when you’re grieving, make it known that you are. Energy needs to be channelled, that’s how physics goes.
WOW WOW WOW That was quite a question! LOL. Now, for my answer. I think the first thing you have to look at is WHY you feel the way you do. What is going on that is making you feel all those things you described. Here is my condensed list: You feel,
Everyone else is nuts
Desperate, your life is being ruined
Taken advantage of
You are too caring of others and not cared for in return
You can’t be rude, angry, or show any emotion
Afraid
You over think things
Alone…..Now that we have them identified, I think you should find a single source that connects all these feelings so that you will be able to overcome them. If you look at all that you have said and described here, it appears that nothing in your life is bringing you the happiness you are so desperately searching for. You are never feeling a sense of satisfaction from life. The question is, what can you do about it?
You say you have done your best with what life has dealt you and all you are asking for in return, really, is just some satisfaction. When you are not getting that need met, you need to look into the reason why you aren’t.
Look, I could have written a very similar post myself a while back that would have included many of the things you said about being afraid and lonely, and not able to understand why everyone else seemed so OK with life, when I felt like I was the only one who was really even trying!
I found that until I understood this NEED for a sense of satisfaction in my life, I was never going to be happy at all. I was only going to be left doing the same things I always had and regardless of my effort to make it any better, I just couldn’t. What I found has helped me so much and honestly it has changed my whole perception in life.
Here is a link to a video that will explain what this whole satisfaction thing is all about, and why we crave it like we do. It will perhaps show you the reasons for experiencing all these feelings you are having, and more importantly, maybe it will allow you to find a way to feel differently. I wish you only the best…..Good luck on your search for answers!
A good therapist. I think you really need to give it a shot.
You got into the role of caretaker at an early age and you are trying to recreate that situation because it is what you know.
Certainly, since you were young and acting like an adult you had to learn to hide your true feelings and just do whatever was necessary. You don’t have to do that anymore.
It’s like the play is over and you are still in costume wondering what happened to the other actors.
You just need to transition from that role and a therapist can help you see how to. You can’t be “being yourself” since you said that you are hiding your true feelings or can’t express them.